Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Fangs & Claws

I swear, right here and now, that if I ever write a novel with vampires or werewolves in it, I will not bring them to the vet to have them fixed.

Why do so many women seem to prefer the wussiest of things that go bump in the night? Even if you leave aside the absurdity that is Edward Cullins, the most emo vampire ever, there are still tons of emasculated vampires and werewolves in literature and movies to contend with.

Let's look at True Blood, for example. Based on the Southern Vampire Mystery novels by Charlaine Harris, the show and books feature two vampires. One, Bill, is cowardly and pathetic. The other, Eric, is ruthless and dangerous, but also far more honest about his intentions towards and feelings about the heroine of the series, Sookie. Sooo many women love Bill and I can't understand it. When he's not a coward, he's a jerk. I'm really hoping that the show adhears to cannon at least enough to break up Sookie and Bill in the near future, because they're a terrible couple. Sookie and Eric, on the other hand, is far more interesting. Though there's been a lot more unresolved sexual tension between them in the books than resolved (except book 4. my favorite). But oh, the possibilities…

Of course, there's also the original wussy vampire, Louis, from Interview With The Vampire. Lestat is loathsome, but at least his inherent jerkiness is fully evident. With Louis you're lulled into thinking that he's a nice guy until he commits a monstrous act of indifference that gets two companions that he supposedly cares for destroyed. But many loved him anyway.

Then there's the Anita Blake books by Laurel Hamilton. Her werewolves were fixed at the vets, and her vampires only slightly more alarming. I read as many books as I did because I liked Anita, but her "men" were a sad lot indeed.

Vampires should have fangs, and werewolves should have claws. You should get the sense that the protagonist needs to be mindful that they might get bitten. Like Eric. Like Clay the werewolf in Kelley Armstrong's Otherworld books – he turned the protagonist, Elena, into a werewolf too when he bit her not long after they became engaged. Like Kisten in the Hollows series by Kim Harris – he was always edgy, right up until he died after not giving Rachel up to his leader.

What's even the point of having a character date a date a werewolf or vampire if he's going to be safe? It seems pointless to me. So I promise, I'll never do that to readers. Honest.

"They say it's all about to end...they say, they say" - Scars on Broadway, They Say

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