Have you ever heard the song Just by Radiohead? It has the chorus, "You do it to yourself, you do, and that's why it really hurts." I've had a blue day, and it's entirely my own fault. I don't think I'm psychic, but sometimes I have strong feelings about things that really do happen. I've had the feeling lately that someone I still miss a lot will come back to work where I do (perhaps because the industry he left to work for is troubled) and I've disappointed myself when we started a new project today and he still didn't appear to fulfill my wish. sigh.
You know that guy or girl that was completely perfect - except for the fact that someone claimed them first? He's that guy. You can't blame me for liking him anyway, he's smart and funny in the sarcastic way that gets me going, cute in a Kevin Smith circa Clerks sort of way, and as a bonus republican. That last one is pretty rare in cute 30-year-olds, because while I know a fair number of republicans in real life, only those of us who are cradle conservatives are so young; most people don't take to conservatism before their 40s it seems (don't get me wrong, I don't turn away liberal boys, but it's nice to see eye to eye on something important). Anyway, that stuff is probably why I still foolishly miss him over a year and a half since I last saw or heard from him, and even though I'm sort of mad he made no effort to keep in touch. If he showed up tomorrow, I'd forgive him that. Hell, if he showed up tomorrow and said that he was available and thought we should elope to Vegas that night, I'd consider it...you know, I probably have the residual feelings for him to thank for having kept my moderate, unwise, and increasingly pointless infatuation with an insufficiently interested guy from being worse. A small blessing, I guess, since it's a near certainty that nothing will come from that.
Rather than bore you with even more moping that concludes with wondering what it is that makes me so easy to leave behind and forget about, and wondering if other independent people have trouble making others aware that we want them even if we don't need them, I think I'll tie up loose ends from other posts over the past month.
- I've sent my DNA samples back to the bone marrow registry and am now waiting for a confirmation e-mail that they've been received.
- Hopefully mother nature won't take this as a challenge, but it seems as though monsoon season in New Hampshire is over. Thank God.
- Vynce and Megan hope to marry in October of 2010. That gives me over a year to make someone love me so much he's obligated to be my date to the wedding =)
- I'm still waiting for a course booklet for fall classes for continuing ed. Maybe I'll take a language or statistics class. Italian would be easy considering I can read it some already, and then there's French which I know very little of but kind of want to learn. Definitely not any kind of writing class, though, and not just because I took the advance fiction class during college. The point of taking a class is mostly to meet people, and the carrying capacity of a relationship is zero to one moody artistic type. I'm the one.
- Exercising still sucks, and I'm still committed to it. The scale is changing disappointingly slow, though considering I've lost just 4 pounds but already an inch off my hips, I'd hazard a guess that I've traded some fat for muscle. Again. I'd rather just lose weight, but dieting is even harder to stick to than exercise. Considering that I known for a long time that I put on muscle pretty easily, I've started this with a measurement goal in mind rather than a pounds one: I'll be happy when I've taken another 1.5" off my hips which, along with my thighs, is where fat gravitates to on me. (at least it's not like one of my coworkers who is slim but has a large butt. I hope ten years from now she's not one of those women with hips twice as wide as their waists.) I don't think 37" is too unrealistic a goal and as petty as it is, I like the symmetry of 37 & 37.
- Yesterday I bought a startlingly loud alarm clock. What I wanted was a clock just like the one I've had since high school, but newer. They do not exist, it seems. I guess this one will do. Too soon to tell if it will cure my alarm clock distress dreams, though.
- Writing is going little better than it was a month ago, but if the weather holds, I should do better. Not only does being agitated over the weather keep me from being creative, nice weather means I can bring my laptop out to the screen house, and I'm pretty productive when I do.
"This goes on and on, you keep me hanging on, it's been going on too damn long/If it's not too soon, it's going to be too late. If you wait too long it's gonna be too late" - The Invisible, Gonna Be Too Late