Monday, June 15, 2009

A Tale of Two Pregnancies

Neither is mine, obviously, since I unfortunately didn't have that sort of weekend =P Two of my female friends are expecting their first babies this fall. K, whom I've been friends with for going on twelve years, is expecting a planned-for baby in November. And Portia, who I used to be closer friends with in the past but has pulled away from people some since having a lot of turbulent things happen to her within the past three years (her first husband committed suicide, not everyone approved when she later married his best friend, she's been traveling for work far more often than she used to etc) is expecting a baby in October that's a... surprise. Yeah, let's use the word surprise.

Guess which one of them is having an easier time, physically, with her pregnancy?

It hardly seems fair, does it? Not that I would wish a difficult pregnancy on Portia, but I wish that K were having a much easier time of things. Am I wrong to be surprised that someone who is only turning 31 in July already has health issues like high blood pressure and thyroid problems that makes her pregnancy high risk and carefully watched by doctors? Maybe I'm being naive, but those things do surprise me. I thought those were problems that happened to older women; I'm over a year older than her, and neither of those problems is an issue for me. I suppose she could have gained a lot of weight since I last saw her in person, but I doubt it. Reading between the lines makes me a bit nervous when she talks about doctor's visits. I hope I'm just being nervous, because I'd hate for things to end badly for her and her husband given they are really excited about the baby.

On the other hand, Portia is not excited about her baby. Her husband is, her family is, but she is more resigned than pleased. How did she put it? She's "finally getting used to the idea." Yikes. Maybe it's a good thing she's having an easy time of it physically, because at least there's no resentment that having K's problems would probably spawn. Boy am I glad that I asked her if I missed an announcement when I noticed she was showing, rather than be all effervescent about the idea of a baby.

I told her that I can totally understand having mixed emotions, since I'm sure I would too given how long I was sure that parenthood isn't in my future. Especially if I found out that I was having a girl. I don't want daughters. (We live in wonderful times, because you can now stack the deck to a significant degree pre-conception...without using IVF, which is good given my disapproval of making embryos you don't intend to use) From the relieved expression on her face, it's pretty clear to me that a lot of people have been, consciously or not, making her feel guilty over her lack of enthusiasm. That sucks, even more so if they're not doing it on purpose. It's harder to keep yourself from doing something when you're not even aware that you're doing it. She says that the baby feels more real now, so that could be a sign that she's coming around more.

They are both in my prayers, and with luck the fall with bring two healthy babies to two sets of happy parents. I do mean that literally, by the way. I'm not a church-goer, but I haven't missed a night's prayers since before starting high school. It's going to be a long time until the fall...

"Used to feel love/now I wanna hurt you/ Real bad, real slow..." - Greg Dulli, Early Today

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