Saturday, November 21, 2009

A Disquieting Dream

So, I had a dream last night that's still bothering me. I'm crush-less at the moment, which is the only reason I've been able to write 45,000 words in three weeks: no one is taking up space in my head, (well, except for brief daydreams that what I'm writing becomes a best selling novel that gets turned into a show resulting in me meeting him or him), so I suppose that it's not unexpected that the dream was kind of, sort of about my most recent infatuation though it has pretty much run its course. Not that said guy was in the dream, though.

Instead the dream was about me having given a baby we'd had to his mother without even bothering to name her first. In the dream the baby was around two, and I hadn't kept in touch with her father or grandmother, but I was standing in their neighbor's yard watching her being pushed on a swing and regretting not staying in her life.

Geez, I know I've said I don't want daughters, but awake I can't imagine simply giving one away! It's not as though I have anything against little girls, but I know what it's like not to have a great role model for being a girl, and I have serious doubts if I'd do any better a job than my own mom did. She was unwell most of my early childhood, so my father was very much the more involved parent, which is probably why I've been told more than once that I can sometimes "think like a guy."

I'm sure that Liam's birth is what put the baby dream in my head, but not why I'd dream of giving it away. I hope that's not my subconscious commenting on how good a parent I'd be.

"I don't need you here to validate me. I don't need you here to tell me anything. Fire away with a loaded gun, light the night I'm on fire." - Kill the Alarm, Fire Away

No comments:

Post a Comment