I'm Dreaming So Wake Up

Last night as I was trying to fall asleep, I found myself thinking about one of my two American Lit classes, probably because I handled the book as I rearranged a bookcase, and wondering what happened to a classmate. His name might have been Matt, but I was never clear on that point. Actually, I was also wondering about that weird non-trad who wore ripped sweatpants to class every day too, but for other reasons. Then there were cartoon elephants in the lit book, holding hands...

My brain realized that I was now dreaming and responded by freaking out...which of course woke me back up. Why??? Sleep was the end-game, shouldn't Brain been happy to have gotten there? You know, rather than panicking?


"If I only knew you'd haunt my dreams for years..." - Woodhands, Dancer

Psych!

Out of curiousity, does anyone else wish there were more random psych experiments done on people? With their knowledge and consent, I mean. I had a couple done on me (that I know of for sure. I'm fairly certain that there's one being conducted at work about fluctuating building temperatures and the tipping point of insanity, but I can't prove it) back in college, and they didn't hurt me any. No electrodes involved, or anything, though. Oh, relax. Participation in psych experiments was a requirement for Psych 401.

Anyway, I read about this study a while back - why yes, I do look up scientific studies for the hell of it. you'd worry more if you saw the history of what I've looked up on wiki - that showed that most obese mothers couldn't identify how heavy their children were by comparing said child to a silhouettes other kids; the fail part comes from them picking a lighter kid to match to. I find that facinating.

But you know, I bet people, not just obese moms, are really bad at comparing themselves to other people too. So I'd like for there to be a study to prove or disprove that, by having people run around a room full of other people and pick the person who is most like them in body size and shape. Like a manic game of Memory.

Yeah...I thought it was just me.


"Your skin your bones don't speak for me" - Young Vinyls, Avalanche

Summer TV

So...I watch a lot of TV. I'm pretty sure that I own more TV shows on DVDs than movies, and I'm happy with that. When I was younger summers were a vast wasteland of reruns, but this decade is awesome. There are so many summer shows!

As you probably have guessed from old posts, I'm watching True Blood, Design Star, and Last Comic Stand this summer; I'm loving the first more than the other two, but I'm hoping the others will pick up soon. And Hawthorne. And Warehouse 13 started back up again last night. And last week was the season finale of In Plain Sight... Yeah. So I watch a lot of TV even during the summer.

I actually met someone a while back who said "I don't watch TV." And I mentally took a step back, thinking, "wow, if this isn't a joke, I'm not sure we have a future as friends." And I was at least half-serious. How could I convince someone who is anti-TV that it's important to watch True Blood, Fringe, and Primeval?


"Somethings wrong when you regret things that haven't happened yet." - The Submarines, 1940

June Music

This weekend I've embarked on the frustrating task of looking up albums and release years for the few hundred MP3s I have in my collection that have neither. Some are going to remain that way because of my fondness for unsigned/obscure bands...even Musicbrainz Picard is stumped by a lot of them.

Anyway, here are the recs for June.

Arctic Monkeys - My Propeller
Automatic Loveletter - Let It Ride
Courage Call - Change Your Mind
Edison Glass - Cold Condition
Framing Hanley - You Stupid Girl
Fujiya & Miyagi - Collarbone
Greg Laswell - Days Go On
Hamel And St. Croix feat. Jules Mari - Playa *
Hey Willpower - Magic Window
Iris - S. Town
It's Alive - Pieces
Jack's Mannequin - American Love
Killing Caroline - Meridian
Lily Allen vs Muse - Undisclosed Fairness
Lizz Wright - My Heart
Lovage - To Catch a Thief
Lovers + Liars - I'm Not Him
Mendetz - Sofa
Minus The Bear - Dog Park
Minus The Bear - When We Escape
Moloko - Time Is Now
People In Planes - Last Man Standing
Phantom Planet - 1st Things 1st
Poets Of The Fall - Dreaming Wide Awake
Powderfinger - The Day You Come
Rachael Yamagata - Worn Me Down
Sam Prekop - Dot Eye
Static Cycle - Pressure
Taken By Cars - Uh Oh
The Frames - Fake
The Glitterati - You Got Nothing on Me
The Only Children - Hide Your Sorrow
The Story - Gorgeous
The Submarines - 1940 (AmpLive Remix) Is there such a subgenre as neo-bossa nova?The Subways - Girls & Boys
The Used - Empty With You
The Young Knives - Turn Tail
Tommie Sunshine - Party Lights *
Tripdavon - Far From Grace
Twice a Man - Decay
Vedera - Redemption Soon

As usual:
Bold = I have other songs by them in my mp3/cd collection
Italic = I'd heard but didn't like other songs by them
Neither = never heard of them before


* guess what game I eventually got around to playing!


"My hope lies in the future tales" - Broken Yoke, The Way

4th of July. Meh.

Out of curiousity, do other currently single people find the 4th of July a bit depressing? I know it's not one of the holidays that we're supposed to find lonely, like Valentine's and Christmas to a lesser degree, but... Tonight would be a whole lot better watching fireworks with someone's arms wrapped around me, you know?

sigh.


"If you see something in my eye, let's not over analyze. Don't go too deep with it, baby. So let it be what it'll be. Don't make a fuss and get crazy over you and me " - Jennifer Paige, Crush

Yuck

I'm not sure what's up with the weather today. This morning it was so foggy that I half expected interdimensional monsters to slither out of the mist and drag away passing cars. And tonight the next city over smelled very much like the filter to Ten's aquarium did when I replaced it yesterday. Seriously, I didn't think the city had any swampy areas, so why did it smell like that?

I was thinking about the city as I drove home and didn't enjoy the smell. If I was ever homesick for Taunton MA, I could just drive to the city (which shall remain nameless) a few miles away. It seems terribly out of place in New Hampshire, almost as if someone had towed a few miles of Massachussetts city northward, then allowed it to decay for a few decades.

But what am I talking about? I'm never homesick for Taunton. Here, let me make an exhaustive list of everything I miss about it:

* Seeing my aunt Gerry on a semi-regular basis
* the Galleria mall
* Trucchi's grocery stores
* Well-lit late night drives home from work summers
* WAAF (Did you wonder where my taste for various metal subgenres came from?)
* strained chow mien sandwiches

Yep, that's it. I used to put "Hell" in the return address when I wrote to people during the 3 years I lived there, so...


"I won't rip your heart out" - The Subways, I Won't Let You Down

Ayuh

I've been working on the scenes just prior to the climax of my novel lately. I still need to fill in the 30,000 or so words between where I left off before and the end, but it's going okay. I don't write in order anyway, so this isn't a big deal. Writing scenes one after another just doesn't work for me.

A lot of people misinterpret the classic writers' advice "Write what you know," to mean "only write about things you've experienced," which would make for a lot of dull books. What it really means is "do some research, Stupid." So I have been, ranging from topics like: When does the FBI get involved in a serial killer case? How long does it take to drown? Do lakes have under-ice currents? What would realistically cause a car to catch on fire, but NOT in a Hollywood movie-style explosion? You know, the basics. The one I'm having trouble with is "which ancient peoples believed that the body couldn't be [insert type of altering] if the person was to be allowed into the afterlife?" which is kind of frustrating, because I know I've read plenty of myths of that nature.

And beyond that, I've been pestering people to tell me what turns of phrases they've only heard when they visited New England. You'll note that I haven't asked fellow locals...because people are really bad figuring out regionalisms. Hell, I was 17 before I knew that "wicked" was a regionalism. That was just before Al Gore invented the internet, though. The reason that I've asked is because I'd like for the story to feel genuine to this area. Well, Manchester being the unlikely place for a serial killer aside, that is.

Here are things I need to work into the story:
- Ayuh (obviously). This is already something I had a minor character say, but of course most of the characters wouldn't. It's not like the majority of people use the expression daily.
- Down Cellar. To be kinder to readers, I won't interchangeably use cellar and basement although most of us do.
- Coffee Regular. Which, of course is coffee with cream and two sugars. I don't drink coffee, but even I know that!
- So don't I. Until recently, I never gave any thought to this being confusing. Of course people would know you were making a statement of agreement, right? Right??
- My ghouls. Which, of course, is something little kids yell when they reach the safe place while playing tag. This is another one I never thought about. "My goals," as someone pointed out, probably would make more sense.
- Quarter of [hour] - For reasons I can't fathom, some people from elsewhere find it difficult to determine if this means 15 minutes before or after the hour. I was taught, in school, to speak of time this way, so it seems completely obvious to me that time goes Hour, Quarter Past, Half Past, Quarter Of, but...
- Carriage. The thing with wheels you put your groceries in.
- Bubbler. A drinking fountain
- Breakdown lane - (?) people really call it a shoulder like the road signs do? I'll be damned. I'm also confounded that "sneakers" is supposed to be a regionalism too.
- Bulkie. A round sandwich roll.
- Hot dog rolls, New England style. These have raw sides so you can butter and toast them. And they're not labeled "New England Style" on the packages here - just hotdog rolls.
- Jimmies. Chocolate sprinkles for ice cream.
- All set. I actually knew that people in other regions don't use this expression because a comic did a bit on confusing a waitress by saying it when she asked if he needed something more.
- Seriously? Apparently it's used more here than away. And I do I know people who use it all. the. time.


"I want to hurt you bad, make you paranoid, and say the sweetest things." -Of Montreal, Gallery Piece

I don't like U

So, I was prepared to like U. the commercials are so different and clever with the message of how they actually understand that it's not a fun experience, and I relate to them more than those other kinds, given that I'm not the girliest of girls. Sure, I like candles and flowers, but most people don't see me in a skirt unless I have a job interview or a funeral to attend. And if I was wearing a skirt during that sort of week, it sure the hell wouldn't be white.

But it turns out that I don't like U. First, they smell kind of strange. Not in a perfumed sort of way, but more like an unmaintained beach bathroom way. Most women probably aren't going for smelling like a hobo, so I doubt I'm the only one who finds this off-putting. And second, while the packaging is definitely festive, neon colors lack discretion - I like keeping my coworkers guessing as to why I'm in a bitchy mood, and accidentally flashing one of those sort of ruins the mystery. And who's idea was it to put the blue bullseyes down the center of things? It strikes me as a little bit condescending.

Basically, in the effort to seem different, they have in fact embraced everything that they're railing against. Like the pigs in Animal Farm. Or, wait, more like those girls who come into threads about awful cramps, and are all, "Oh, I don't mind my period. It's only once every 45 days, and I use three tampons a day for three days. I never get any cramps, either. teehee. It must be awful for you." You know what? Screw you. No one wants to hear how easy you have it, and we're all secretly wishing menopause sucks twice as much for you as the rest of us. But you know, at least with those girls I can console myself by knowing that odds are that they're fatter than me, struggles with weight being another issue people get bent out of shape over when people make light of it, and can at least imagine snottily saying "Wow, the average woman wears a size twelve to fourteen and at my fattest ever I was a size ten and I hated it. It must be awful for you" and here...here's a bunch of marketing execs who are probably men anyway, laughing their way to the bank because they tricked us. Assholes.

This rant brought to you by the letters P, M, and S.


"With my aching hand reach for you, burning skin bleed for you. Laugh at it all until you take the fall. My second sight see though you, second skin bleed for you..." - Carfax Abbey, Second Skin

Shannon Vs Replacing A Brake Light

When it comes to tools, I am a danger to myself and others. Mostly myself, though. I have an inch long scar along my right thumb to show where I learned, a couple weeks before I turned 13, that we shouldn't cut anything with a sharp knife while holding it; I bet most people don't need this lesson. Clearly I'm not to be trusted around tools but my parents keep buying me them anyway, like the new drill I got for Christmas. I don't know why, it's not as though I have a lot of life insurance they could hope to cash in... Anyway, with more frustration and less bleeding than Shannon Vs Installing Closet Shelves, I tackled replacing a brake light this week. I know you're dying to hear all about it!

So, remember how I bought a new(ish) car to avoid having to have things fixed? Yeah, I think that's funny now too. At the beginning of the week two people pointed out that one of my brake lights was out, so there's a problem already. I didn't whip out my warranty booklet because I already knew that it'd cost me a $50 deductible even if it covered it, and hey, I should be able to figure it out on my own. Right? I used to have to replace the right turn signal on my first car every six months, so... But I peered into the rear of the vehicle and noticed that I couldn't see where the lights were. Pulling at the lens cover didn't do anything either. Hmm.

I know. The owner's manual. No...it just tells you how to remove the bulb, not how to access it. Internet sites then. Found some message boards with people asking how to do this, and a not-quite-adequate tutorial for the same. Couldn't believe how much effort was going to be required - you have to remove the entire light housing. Jesus.

Got to work on that Wednesday. The first nut came off easy, but the other one seemed to be covered by one of those foolish things that you screw on instead, a little plastic cap thing. It's way deep inside a hole I can't even fit my hand into, and my hands are little: most women's hands measure 7 inches from the base of the palm to the tip of their index fingers, and mine aren't quite 6". Hmmm. Borrowed at ratchet from my dad (don't worry, I won't get a ratchet set for Christmas. As you'll see he had me buy one this week). Borrowed another one since that one was too big for the space. Dropped it into the abyss between the molding and the car frame.

OH NO!

Thought of several clever things I could have done to keep that from happening, like tying a rope to the ratchet, or taping a ruler to it, or spending $50 to have the bulb replaced... worried about what that would do to the car, and apologized to dad. Went to buy a ratchet set of my own - and tied a shoelace to the ratchet first, but it rained two nights so I put it off. Failed to get the cap to bulge with the ratchet. Used a sharpie on the cap to determine if it was moving, and a better flash light revealed that it wasn't. Gave up for a while. Prayed that I could figure it out, and slept on it.

Returned to trolling those boards this morning and finally figured out that people have a weird idea of what "a clip" is and realized that it's a post, not a cap. Bought a wooden dowel to pry at it. Couldn't budge it. Looked down and noticed another panel...with another nut! Hey! Used my brand new ratchet to remove the final nut and then got back to prying. Failed three or four times to keep the housing from moving at an angle, which only wedged it tighter. Chipped off 0.3" of the end of the light case, oops, hopefully no one else will notice. But then, then it finally came out! Success!

It took less than two minutes to replace the bulb and put the housing back into place. I did not, however, find the missing ratchet. Hopefully it's lying along side of a bumpy road rather than still in the car... And those boards? They say you need to replace the damn bulbs yearly, which explains why a car with less than 12,000 miles on it needed it done already. sigh. I did save $50, though. And hey, now I have the ratchet for next time.


"I think I'm getting to understand. Automatic flash point I see you across the floor. Make all things new." - Taken By Cars, Uh Oh

HJNTIY

So, I just finished reading He's Just Not That Into You by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo. Because if there's one thing I'm really bad at, it's math. But if there are two things I'm really bad it, it's math and figuring out guys' intentions. Or math and driving a stick shift. But let's go with figuring out what guys want from me.

This wasn't a book I loved. But you know, as much as I'd like to run away from some of the advice and defend men as not being like that [insert several variables of "that"]...a lot of them are. And a lot of women cough*me*cough are guilty of letting things go on too long in hopes of getting what we want from the objects of our unwise affection. So my summation of the book is that it's both harsh and fair.

The harsh but true goes both ways, by the way, and it doesn't just harp on men who are unworthy of one's time. They never say that women who make excuses for everything about the guys they like, ranging from why they still haven't asked them out yet to why they don't want to get leave their wives for them, are stupid but you do get the sense that they think those women are at very least a little deluded. At least I'm guilty only of the former!

It'd be interesting to see what would be in a book called Actually She's Not That Into You, or, as a better title, Maybe You're Not Her Type. Hopefully things like "If she's flirting with other guys more than you...", or the even more basic "If she pulls away when you lean close/responds to your comments in single word replies/recoils from your casual touch...." and so on because there seem to be as many clueless men who don't read women's signals right (like body language - and apparently, at least judging from an MB argument recently, some need to be told simple things like women reading a book aren't just dying to be chatted up by complete strangers) as clueless women who project wishful thinking onto what men do.


"I was only seeking intimacy as I politely asked you out. What's that? You've got another lady? I'll just keep seeing you in my fantasies..." - Los Abandoned, (I Didn't Mean to) Stalk U

Can't Breathe

Of all the things I'm sick of this week - and there are several of them ranging from being completely sick of the sort of contract we're doing at work and my apparent inability to learn not to give a certain type of person power to influence my mood - I'm really sick of not being able to breathe!

95% of the time my asthma symptoms are unnoticeable, allowing me to be more active than a lot of people, but this week...my triggers are humidity and pollen and there's plenty of both to be had currently; for example there's ninety percent humidity today. The worst of it is that I'm so tired, no matter how much I sleep. I'm sure working an extra 1.25 hours a day isn't helping, but this just sucks.

I actually felt well enough to work out on Thursday, but a tragic MP3 player accident which resulted in its death despite trying to revive it for an hour and a half squandered what I didn't know then was my only window of opportunity for days so now I wish I'd tried it without music... If I exert myself by doing anything more than walking, I feel like bands are around my chest that makes it ache... I tried to hang up my new shadowboxes today, but gave up once I hit a snag with the wall anchors because I didn't feel up to trying another approach.

I know that this will pass, but I hate feeling weak, and for that to keep me from doing things I want to. To make matters worse, knowing why I can't get things done in no way keeps me from feeling lazy. Sorry to whine =(

p.s. This blog is a year old today!


"You touch yourself, you think of me. C'mon, it's not that dirty." - Die Trying, Dirty Dirty

Splice (Spoilers)

I saw Splice with C on Sunday. It was her turn to pick a movie, and we both hoped it'd suck less than my last choice (see also, horror for wusses). Turns out that the previews for this movie are really misleading.

If you've seen the trailer, did you get the impression that it's about a lab-created monster rampaging after it escapes, killing a lot of people - like Species? It's not. The body count is a very small number, so small that you could count the deaths on the fingers of one genetically altered hand.

The truth of the matter is that this movie is a retelling of a centuries' old story. You may very well have read the story in high school. I won't say which novel, but you'll catch on.

I think I liked this more for it being something other than what I expected, but I would recommend it more as something to rent if you're undecided about going to see it in the theater.



"I'm not in love, I just want to be touched. I just want your kiss, Boy." - Kate Nash, Pumpkin Soup

May Music

Elbow - The Bones Of You
Hadouken! - Crank It Up
Hyperstory - A Happening
Imogen Heap - 2 1
Iron & Wine* & Calexico - Dark Eyes
Kate Nash - Pumpkin Soup
Lily Allen - Friday Night
Minus the Bear - Hooray
Mt. St. Helens Vietnam Band - Albatross, Albatross, Albatross
Paolo Nutini - Jenny Don't Be Hasty
Santogold - Say Aha
Simian Mobile Disco - Pinball
Stereophonics - Mr Writer
Tape Deck Mountain - Ghost Colony
Tellison - Gallery
The Asteroids Galaxy Tour - Around the Bend
The Blank Theory - Sour Times
The Bravery - I Am Your Skin
The Bravery - Unconditional
The Brian Jonestown Massacre - Oh My Love
The Cooper Temple Clause - Music Box
The Cooper Temple Clause - Sister Soul
The Eels - Your Lucky Day In Hell
The Faint - The Geeks Were Right
The Go Find - Everybody Knows It's Gonna Happen Only Not Tonight
The Gossip - Pop Goes The World (James Ford Version)
The Gutter Twins - Idle Hands
The National - Available I've already listened to this song more than 50 times. srsly.
The Papertiger Sound - Magnetic North
The Pigeon Detectives - Keep on Your Dress
The Submarines - You, Me and the Bourgeoisie
The Subways - I Won't Let You Down
The Wombats - My Circuitboard City
Van She - It Could be the Same
Van She - Sex City
Wickhead - Sacrifice
You Me At Six - Jealous Minds Think Alike
You Me At Six - Poker Face (Lady Gaga cover)

As usual:
Bold = I have other songs by them in my mp3/cd collection
Italic = I'd heard but didn't like other songs by them
Neither = never heard of them before


* So...what do you sing in the shower? "Freedom Hangs Like Heaven" by Iron & Wine is one of the songs I usually sing. The other two songs are "Mekong" by The Refreshments and "The Letter" by The Boxtops. "Heroin Girl" by Everclear and "Zero" by The Smashing Pumpkins sometimes happen too.


"Desire. Feelings. Are you available for...Are you available?" - Moving Units, Available

Done Got Over 'im

So...remember my unwise infatuation of last summer? He went away, and I got over him. For real, though, not just in an out of sight, out of mind sort of way. No really, I have proof!

This is what I was alluding to here. To my surprise, I was not pleased when he came back - but frankly, by New Years I no longer thought positively about seeing him again since he failed to keep in touch. And it's not just not having seen him for nine months, because my friend Danny (who I think of as being like a little brother) came back too a few weeks earlier after nearly as long, and I'm pleased about that. But when Mr. Unwise wandered back in...my first instinct was to avoid him.

I know, why? Let's just say I have a history of rediscovering feelings for guys who've come back into my life. Unwise isn't going to be around much longer before he's off again, and my fear was that being around him would remind me of why I'd liked him so much - which would be bad since I know how that'd turn out, with me missing him and mad that I never hear from him.

After a couple of days of avoidance, though, I realized something: I don't feel anything any more. I've eaten lunch with him (and with other people, of course) a few times since and it's okay. He's still attractive, but I'm no longer interested. He wasn't around today, and though I noticed, it didn't bum me out like that would have last summer.

It's also sort of interesting to no longer really care what he thinks about me. I suppose he wonders why I've paid him so little attention lately, but really, that's his problem, not mine. Let him think whatever he likes to explain it.

I don't know why I'm writing about this, but I like having the mental space to think about guys who might be better for me, even though an old crush has resurfaced. Maybe it's a type of personal growth not to go right back to wanting someone who isn't right for me. Who knows.


"You got me all wrong. You wandered away" - Dios Malos, You Got Me All Wrong

Franklin Pierce

And now for a bit of light-hearted politics (you're surprised, I'm sure) a picture of New Hampshire's only president to date.

Do you know what NH school kids are taught about the state's native son turned president? He was so bad at the job of being president that he's a contributing cause of the civil war. And this is in the state that probably likes him best!

But he's finally getting some recognition, oh 150 years after the fact. See?

"There's not much to say about this obscure president, except that he's gorgeous. He's like Johnny Depp, but without as much to show for himself."

"I want you to want me, but do you want me?" - Red Delicious, Want Me

Painted Ladies

click on the photos to enlarge them.

"Strangers talk, careful what you feel. There's something there, I told ya, I'm not done with you." - Van She, Strangers

April Music

See? Sometimes I listen to bands you already know, too.

AFI - Medicate
Astrid Williamson - Eve
Audio Bullys - Only Man (Reset Remix)
Basia Bulat - Heart Of My Own
Bishop Allen - I Get Along
Brand New - You Won't Know
Chevelle - Letter From A Thief
Controller.Controller - The Raw No
Corb Lund - The Truth Comes Out
Depswa - From The Inside
Eskimo Joe - Foreign Land
Fray - Heartless (Swinghouse Session Radio Edit)
Gyroscope - Snakeskin
Howling Bells - Cities Burning Down
International Karate - A Night Without Sleep
Jack Coxon - Not Caught Up
Jana Hunter - Sleep
Land Of Talk - May You Never
Loney, Dear - Airport Surroundings
Loney, Dear - I Got Lost
Lupe Fiasco - Solar Midnite
Manchester Orchestra - I Can Barely Breathe
Muse - Uprising I decided after hearing it as a themesong for months, I kind of like it...even though I prefer their sound from Showbiz
Mute Math - Noticed
Oasis - Falling Down remember how we loved them in the 90s, then they dropped off the map?
Paper Tongues - Ride To California
Pendulum - The Other Side
Plants and Animals - Tom Cruz
Puddle of Mudd - Spaceship also about Tom Cruise. what?
Sick Puppies - You're Going Down
Slipknot - Snuff
The Blank Tapes – This Is What’s Inside
The Gutter Twins - Each to Each hmm. to bold or not. I've long been in love with Greg Dulli's voice and know Mark Lanegan's other stuff, so...
The National - About Today
Tupelo Honey - Because Of You
Yeasayer - Love Me Girl

As usual:
Bold = I have other songs by them in my mp3/cd collection
Italic = I'd heard but didn't like other songs by them
Neither = never heard of them before


"Falling in and out of love, something sweet to throw away. I want something good to die for, to make it beautiful to live" - Queens of the Stone Age, Go With The Flow

Threatening Love Letters

This blog is what, eleven months old? and it occurred to me recently that I never explained what the name means. It's pretty simple, really:

I work with one of my mother's friends, and she likes to tease me a bit, just like my mom does. Days before I started this blog, I was outlining a scene of a story during break and as she was walking by she noticed I was writing. "What are you writing?" she quipped. "Love letters?"

"No," I shot back. "Threatening letters."

She laughed and went on her way, and I became intrigued by the idea of letters that were both love letters and threatening at the same time - kind of like the one in the banner. I googled the term, and got almost no hits that weren't "...threatening. Love letters..." you know, as the end of one thought and the beginning of the next, not a cohesive phrase.

My brand new blog needed a name a few days later, so...


"Your words are pictures in my head." - The Papertiger Sound, Magnetic North

Knock it off, Brain

Very funny, Brain. We spend two days thinking about all the reasons why someone is totally off limits (this time), and then you make me dream about him? Jesus. I suppose I should be grateful that everyone remained fully dressed in the dream.

No more of this, Brain. You won't convince me to take that path again. It only leads to heartache later on.

Update: May 21st, 2010
So...I dreamed about him again this week, but in this second dream I ran away from him. Yes, literally. That's more like it! And I dreamed about someone else instead last night, so that's better too :)


"She dreams in digital, cause it's better then nothing, now that control is gone." - Orgy, Fiction (Dreams in Digital)

Just when you think you're out...

I thought I was going to have this week off from work, but it didn't turn out that way. The project from hell wasn't even over 24 hours before I got called in to proof read some training materials, and the week got weirder from there. Weirder in one regard than I can really cope with in a mature manner (near total avoidance isn't mature), and one in much nicer way.

So, this is what I would have done if I'd actually had the week off...

* worked really hard on my pansy garden. Last Thursday, when I still thought I had time off, I bought a dozen six packs of pansies to add to the ones I already had, and the plan was to plant them all and put in mulch. So far I've planted 2/3rds of them and the mulch is still in the basement. I don't even particularly like the color pink, but I still find myself looking for ones that look like this to contrast the purples, wine reds, yellows and oranges I've already got.

* indulged in an Andrew-Lee Potts marathon. You probably don't even know who he is, but a few months ago I fell in love with the characters he played in Alice and Primeval. I've watched everything with him in it that I can get my hands on. And I've seen Alice five times since it first aired on syfy in December. Don't judge me!

* maybe have gotten some writing done on Pull - that novel about bringing people back from the afterlife - and/or various short stories. Maybe not, it's hard to say. I've been too drained to do much lately, and it's kind of frustrating...there's a flash fiction contest this weekend that I want to do, and maybe that'll help me get back in the right mindset.

* actually played the new version of Dance Dance Revolution I bought last week.

* gotten around to this month's music post.

* possibly have found something else to take pictures of, because I look at pictures I've taken like the ones below and remember that photography is fun. I don't want to think too much about that though, or else my lust for a digital SLR camera might bubble up. Someday I'll be able to afford to spend $700 on a camera, right? haha.

Oh well. Like everyone else, I could use the money, so it hasn't been all bad.

"You say we're friends so I'll just guard this heart. If I don't you might tear me apart." - Bowling For Soup, Guard My Heart

Catch Up

So, since last we've "talked" about anything other than music...

- The day before Valentines I finally got to see the Harry Potter exhibit at the museum of science. We're all fans of the movies, so all three of us liked it. I found it amusing that if you look at the costumes from when the boys were only 11 or 12 their shoes were so much bigger than mine despite being shorter than me at that age.

- A week later I was driving to work when my car began to make strange noises. I wasn't happy about that because the last time that happened it cost me $1400. The mechanic called me and said, "I have sisters, and if this was one of their cars I'd tell them not to pour more money into it." Argh.

- Trying to figure out what to buy to replace the car was complicated by a two-day power failure. You know what, though? We bought a propane generator after the five-day power failure 14 months earlier, so it wasn't so bad. Sheer misery got upgraded to kind of annoying. Strange to be able to watch TV (on DVD, cable was out of course) and movies, but far nicer than the year before.

- Anyway...about 10 days after my car was given up for dead, I bought another one. I now have something I never have before: a car payment. Up until now I've only bought used cars I could pay cash for. Now I've spent a great deal more for a car that had only 9,000 miles on it. It's a hatchback, my favorite kind. And red. I always said my first "new" car would be, so... I like it so far. It's nice to have a car that your biggest complaint about is that you hate the noisy windshield wiper.

- The very next week we started a project at work that was scheduled to take 10 7.5 hour days. The person designing the schedule must have been smoking crack, because it took 17 days, most of them 9-9.5 hour days. The money sure came in handy given the down payment I'd just put on the car, but working 4 weeks worth of hours in 3 was really hard. But, as it turns out, not as hard as the project we're doing now that is killing us - there is so much running around carrying things to be worked on that we barely have time to sit - not typical for what's basically an office job! I'm sick of going home sore every day. Five more days and we start something else, thank God. I wonder if the interesting new guys at work will stick around...

- Last fall I bought pansies because the ones I'd tried to grow from seed drown :( They were on sale, and I figured that it'd be nice to add some color to the end of the driveway for a few weeks. The man who sold me them said that they might survive the winter, which struck me as silly. Until the first day of spring when I saw them, blooming again. Better yet, they've reseeded! So here it is April, and I've got dozens of flowers already blooming, and buds about to open. These pansies rock.

- Oh, and now I know something first hand that I didn't before: bladder infections suck. And, so does needing to see a doctor when you don't have health insurance... I hope I never get another one. Hey, it's possible, my mom's in her 50s and only has had one.

- And last, I'm another year older as of the tenth. Time can slow down now and let me catch up to my goals. Really, I don't mind.


"I will show no mercy for you. You have no mercy for me. The only thing that I ask, love me mercilessly." - The Bravery, Hatef*ck

March Music

March was busy. There wasn't enough time for listening to new songs :(

Annuals - Sewn To Kites
Band Of Skulls - Patterns
Built To Spill - Things Fall Apart
Caleb Kane - Go Mad
Caleb Kane - This Close
Dead Man's Bones - In The Room Where You Sleep
Death Cab For Cutie - The Ice Is Getting Thinner
Ganglians - Blood on the Sand
I Was Totally Destroying It - Come Out, Come Out
Jesca Hoop - Seed of Wonder
Lovage - Book of the Month
Magnolia Electric Co - Little Sad Eyes
My Endeavour - What You See Is What You Get
Thao Nguyen - Know Better Learn Faster
The Black Hollies - Gloomy Monday Morning
The Brian Jonestown Massacre - Let's Go F*cking Mental
The Cinematics - Love and Terror
The Veronicas - Hollywood
The Veronicas - Take Me On The Floor
The Veronicas - This Is How It Feels
The Veronicas - This Love
We Are Scientists - Ghouls


As usual:
Bold = I have other songs by them in my mp3/cd collection
Italic = I'd heard but didn't like other songs by them
Neither = never heard of them before


"You can tie my hands to the walls but you can't tie my dreams to this place" - White Lies, E.S.T.

February Music

Austin Newcomers - Nothing To Do
Birds Of Tokyo - Broken Bones
Burning Airlines - Paper Crowns
Carbon Leaf - Come Together (it's better if you hear them in person)
Celebrity Drug Disasters - Getting Better
Ellie Goulding - Starry Eyed
Lily Allen - Back To The Start
Living For Today - Frame Around My Border
Living For Today - Never Re-Do Love
LODATO - Joy
Lou Barlow - Gravitate
Marmaduke Duke - Silhouettes
Mindless Self Indulgence - Never Wanted To Dance
MSTRKRFT ft John Legend - Heartbreaker
Muse - Undisclosed Desires
Newton Faulkner - Teardrop
Panthers - Thank Me With Your Hands [MSTRKRFT remix]
Switchfoot - Mess Of Me
The Big Pink - Dominos
The Bravery - Hatef*ck
Uh Huh Her - Away From Here
UltraChorus - Words Kept Talking
Uncrowned - Remember Your Ghost
UNKLE - Mayday [feat. The Duke Spirit]
UNKLE - Morning Rage
UNKLE - Restless [feat. Josh Homme]
V1rtual D3scent - I Vivisect
Van She - Strangers
Vanderpark - Believe
Vaughan Penn - Ready to Rise [Remix 2007]
Vertical Horizon - All is Said and Done
Vertical Horizon - Back To You
Virtual Server - Love Is Only
Vitaminsforyou - Me & My Mirror
Voicst - Everyday I Work On The Road
Walter Meego - Through a Keyhole
What Made Milwaukee Famous - Resistance St
White Lies - E. S. T
Wills & The Willing - Lipstick
Wolf Parade - Language City


As usual:
Bold = I have other songs by them in my mp3/cd collection
Italic = I'd heard but didn't like other songs by them
Neither = never heard of them before


"Darkness, Darkness be my pillow. Take my head and let me sleep in the coolness of your shadow, in the silence of your deep." - The Youngbloods, Darkness Darkness

January Music

Bored, I decided to listen to all the mp3s I've downloaded between W and Z...

Amethyst - Wake Up Call
Arthur Yoria - I'll Pretend
Band of Skulls - Death By Diamonds And Pearls
Beyond The Element - Walk Into Fire
Black Mountain - Queens Will Play
Blackamore & Company - Dead Man
Bon Iver - Skinny Love

Boyce Avenue - Not Enough

Caro Emerald - Back It Up

Chris Harper - The Pain Beneath

Closure in Moscow - Sweet#Hart

Dave Matthews Band - The Stone (I know, even though I generally loathe DMB)

Doves - Compulsion

Esterlyn - Faster, Faster

John Randolph - Rewind

Loney, Dear - Everything Turns To You

Mechanical Moth - Black Queen Style (this one got overlooked)

My Brightest Diamond - Tainted Love (Soft Cell cover...actually, their version was a cover too)

Shaka Ponk - How We Kill Stars

Small Town Boredom - Void Lighting

Spanking Machine - Cult of Lies

Summerbirds In The Cellar - Beware Of False Prophets

The Kills - Fried My Little Brains

The Kooks - Stormy Weather

The Starlight Mints - Power Bleed

Thermostatic - So Close So Near

Thornley - All Comes Out In The Wash

Tom Petty - Turn This Car Around

Warpaint - Elephants

Washed Out - New Theory

Waz - Mine to Remember

We Are Scientists - Chick Lit

We Versus The Shark - I Am Destined For Greatness

Wiskeytown - Sit and Listen to The Rain

White Rabbits - Rudie Fails

WhiteMoor - Three Words

Wintersleep - Danse Macabre

Wohllebe - Not Quite Right

Wolf and Cub - Seven Sevens

Woodhands - Dancer

Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Dull Life

Yeasayer - Forgiveness

Yo La Tengo - Periodically Double or Triple

You Am I - Berlin Chair

You Me At Six - Kiss & Tell

Young Dubliners - Foggy Dew (Carbon Leaf fans who need more penny whistle tunes will like this one)

Young Vinyls - Avalanche

Youngbloods - Darkness Darkness

ZAZA - The Call

Zebra & Giraffe - Fight! Fight! Fight!

Zero 7 - Pop Art Blue

Zigmat - Machine

Zorch Boomhauer - Wanting U is EZ

As usual:

Bold = I have other songs by them in my mp3/cd collection

Italic = I'd heard but didn't like other songs by them

Neither = never heard of them before

"I want nothing but the love of the next stranger who walks through that door" - The Black Ghosts, I Want Nothing

Wakefield Discredited

Well, it's been a long time coming, but that quack Andrew Wakefield is finally having his falsefied autism study discredited. It's too damn little, way too late, though. Too much hurt has been done in his name and people who believe him are too rabidly consumed by the fabricated connection between the MMR vaccine and autism to see reason - otherwise they'd understand that Japan stopped using the vaccine a decade ago and has seen rising autism rates since.

You know how they say the path to hell is paved with good intentions? I think it's closer to the truth that damage is done through unintended consiquences. Did Doctor Wakefield intend to scare people into not vaccinating their children, and by doing so spark a reinsurgance of diseases like the measles that haven't killed scores of children in decades? Probably not. But the fact remains that he falsified a study at the behest of lawyers who were looking to sue vaccine makers over autism, and "made" the study fit the conclusions that they wanted. Everything after that was a dominio effect. Evil doesn't necessarily rely on the intentions, because in many cases like this one, you can determine it from the results instead.


I've mentioned why I care about this before, haven't I? I worked with kids with autism a couple of years after I got out of college. And I do think that they've been done a disservice through Wakefield's work - there have been counter-studies done over and over again in attempt to discredit Wakefield, and these unnecessary duplications have stolen time and resources away from other research that might help kids like those two little boys and countless others like them. What if someone who was laboring at proving that there's no link between vaccines and autism might have found a way to prevent it?


"Now that the statue has toppled, the word is all over town. The mob has already gathered to pick the jewels from the crown" - Adam Cohen, How The Mighty Have Fallen