So...remember my unwise infatuation of last summer? He went away, and I got over him. For real, though, not just in an out of sight, out of mind sort of way. No really, I have proof!
This is what I was alluding to here. To my surprise, I was not pleased when he came back - but frankly, by New Years I no longer thought positively about seeing him again since he failed to keep in touch. And it's not just not having seen him for nine months, because my friend Danny (who I think of as being like a little brother) came back too a few weeks earlier after nearly as long, and I'm pleased about that. But when Mr. Unwise wandered back in...my first instinct was to avoid him.
I know, why? Let's just say I have a history of rediscovering feelings for guys who've come back into my life. Unwise isn't going to be around much longer before he's off again, and my fear was that being around him would remind me of why I'd liked him so much - which would be bad since I know how that'd turn out, with me missing him and mad that I never hear from him.
After a couple of days of avoidance, though, I realized something: I don't feel anything any more. I've eaten lunch with him (and with other people, of course) a few times since and it's okay. He's still attractive, but I'm no longer interested. He wasn't around today, and though I noticed, it didn't bum me out like that would have last summer.
It's also sort of interesting to no longer really care what he thinks about me. I suppose he wonders why I've paid him so little attention lately, but really, that's his problem, not mine. Let him think whatever he likes to explain it.
I don't know why I'm writing about this, but I like having the mental space to think about guys who might be better for me, even though an old crush has resurfaced. Maybe it's a type of personal growth not to go right back to wanting someone who isn't right for me. Who knows.
"You got me all wrong. You wandered away" - Dios Malos, You Got Me All Wrong
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